Your Words Are Fatal, You Might Not Even Know It

I feel so down and low since yesterday.  Some people might be celebrating in victory right now, i know they'd been waiting for me to feel this way, waiting to see me fail.  Some people may not care, "who am i to them anyway?"  I thought everything will turn out just fine but I'm trapped after surviving from a major downfall.  What's worse is that  i have no voice at all, my opinions don't matter no more.  It's like everytime i open my mouth I speak with no sense, making me feel like i have nothing right to say so I'd better shut up!  It's like I'm in a war with no battle gears.  You catched me from falling and you put me in a jar with no hole so i can breathe. Your words are fatal and you might not know it.  It's like a knife stuck in my heart.

The only and last person that I'm expecting to help me pick up the pieces again took it from me and throw them outside the window. Blown by the wind, scattered everywhere and I  don't know where to find the other pieces.  I will never be whole ever again.

Crabmentality Is a Curable Disease.

Every weekends specially on Sundays, i always make sure that i give my family back in the Philippines a call . We are lucky nowadays that there are many options and ways of communication to ease out the homesickness we are experiencing as OFWs.  Ofcourse we would like to hear how they are doing back home and also to ensure  that they are always safe and sound.

I considered my family in the Philippines to belong in the middle class until we lost our restaurant a year ago.  The restaurant that puts me to school and helped me finish my Bachelor's degree.  The restaurant that gave my mom and my dad several properties.  The restaurant where most of my siblings depend on to provide for their own family's needs.  Now that it's closed and gone after 3 decades of  challenging operation to survive, it affects my mom's and some of my sibling's living conditions.  I love my family and i want to help them in the most possible way i know.

Recently i provided my brother a capital to start his and his wife's  fish and meat rolling store.  It's a humble and simple sidecar (pedicab or whatever you wanna call it) that contains fresh fishes and meats that he and his wife, who currently has 3 small mouths to feed, are selling in the nearby subdivisions.  My sister- in- law used to work for their neighbor's rolling store.  Earning P100/ day driving the sidecar and selling different varieties of fish.  I then ask my Mom how much will it cost to start their own rolling store business. It really didn't cost alot actually so i provided them the capital.  They recently started selling and operating their own rolling store and earning enough to sustain their daily needs when i talked to my sister and found out that their female neighbor, to whom my sister-in-law used to work for, threatened to get somebody to beat up my brother if they will continue selling to her regular patrons.  My brother and his wife are not stupid not to know that it's is not right to steal her regular buyers, if that's what she was trying to say.

Yayiemai's take :

Crabmentality is a metaphor referring to a pot of crabs in which one of them tries to escape and instead is pulled down by the rest of them.  Sadly, Filipinos are known to have this characteristic.  It's posessed by a person who is envious, jealoused, self centered, unhappy of ones success.  Basically it entails to a person who doesn't want to see anybody else to succeed other than himself.

"Why on earth can't we all be happy for another person?  Are you the only people who deserve to live? Serious or not  about beating up my brother, a threat is a threat and I'm gonna find ways to sue you for grave threat and you will be sorry for uttering those words.  I maybe far but I'm working to defend my family and their safety.  May God still bless you and your family, eventhough your family stole my Father's Auto shop years ago.  Inspite of  all the help we offered you and your family in the past years, you repaid us with insult and ghetto style attacks that my family is not acustomed of.  Thank you for that." - this is me talking to my brother's neighbor.

September 1st of 2010, My Saddest September 1 Ever?

          Exactly 116 days before Christmas.  Today , the 1st of September, many people, most specially in the Philippines,  are celebrating this day to welcome the  Christmas season.  I remember when I was still young, my Dad would play his favorite Christmas carol album as early as 7 o'clock in the morning, a tradition that my family has been doing  up until now.

   
           I can't wait til everybody in this building is awake so I can play a Christmas carol . Some lively and happy Christmas songs to start my day.  But all these happy and joyful thoughts came to a halt when i started watching a live streaming of a regular early morning TV program in the Philippines.  They featured a children's choir caroling, people celebrating on the streets and the TV hosts are exchanging gifts. They look so happy.   I then realized that every year, i celebrate Christmas in different ways since I left the Philippines in 2004.  And  as the years pass by, I'm getting closer and closer to spending this special day alone.  Last year, 2009, I celebrated Christmas with my Bebee.  Yes, just me and my Bebee.  It was my 6th  Christmas away from my family in the Philippines, 1st Christmas without friends to celebrate it with.  But I was still happy last year, knowing that i celebrated it with my love one.  But how about this year's Christmas?  I know for a fact that my Bebee wouldn't be here to celebrate it with me.  So I guess I have to deal with it.  Sad but true, my friends, I'm spending this year's Christmas alone.  Me, myself and I.  This thought of being alone has somewhat changed the way i look at September 1.  It used to be a happy day for me until this year.  I asked myself, "what is His plan for me?"  But if I really have to go through this loneliness to someday achieve the happiness that I've been longing for, "Lord, so be it."
  
            If there's anybody here who's been spending their Christmas alone, please welcome me to the club (lol).  And if there's anybody here who's about to spend the Chrismas alone, don't feel bad, you are not alone.  Smile for we are not really alone. God lives within our hearts.

What's On Your Wish List?

I was decluttering my closet again, the 2nd time this month, when i saw a note  that i wrote on a blue "post it" note pad a year ago.  I remember writing it while watching a white lion on TV.  I laughed and said to myself, "after a year i only got one among the few things that i just randomly listed?". It lead me to writing this blog about the things that i really want to have, things that i can easily get and things that are impossible for me to possess.

                                             Pardon me for my very beautiful penmanship, lol

I'm an animal/ pet lover.  So here is the list of animals/pets that i want to have in my house:
   1. a dog                                                         6.  a polar bear
   2. a cat                                                          7.  a black panther
   3. a white lion                                                 8.  a yellow blowfish
   4. a deer                                                         
   5  a chameleon

 Unfortunately, I cannot get any pet not even a dog or a cat with our current situation (frequent PCS-ing). It takes a lot of patience and responsibility to have one.  Besides, somebody  here doesn't want a pet at home...hhhmmmmppp. So everytime i go to a friend's house (who's in the US now) i always play with her pet cat, Samara.

                                                         I  miss you pretty Samara!!!

Other things that i want to have and planning to buy in the future:
   1.  a purple laptop                                          5.  a purple or yellow mini coop
   2.  an acoustic guitar                                      6.  a wedding gown (church wedding of course!)
   3.  an LV Rosewood (Amarante)                      7.  my own photography/ video making studio
   4.  a DSLR camera                                         8.  my own house and lot

 Whheeeww! The first four are just within my reach but the other four, oh well it's gonna take quite sometime before i can have them. :) ... Surprisingly, i got a package containing my black electric/acoustic guitar coming from my Bebee six months ago, thank you mwuah!  My Sony VAIO laptop is still in good condition so the next time I'll  buy another one to replace my baby, I'll make sure it's purple. LV and DSLR camera, I can see them coming in the near future.

I got more things on my wish list that i chose not to mention here. I don't want to sound so materialistic  but, don't you think that sometimes writing down a couple of things that you have in mind can bring back the child in you?  For me it does.  How about you? What's on your wish list? Write it down! Who knows somebody might just have a heart to give you atleast one of those, *wink wink*.  "Ber" is just around the corner!!!!

"The Captain and the Major"

So much has been said about the fateful incident that happened in Manila last Monday, August 23, 2010.  It's all over the internet, the news worldwide and  the newspaper headlines.  I am not gonna write and tackle about it here for we have seen and heard enough of it. But on behalf of my country and my countrymen, i would like to express my deepest apology and sincerest sympathy to the family of the Hong Kong nationals who have lost their lives on the said incident.  It's an isolated case that is  handled "incompetently" that can possibly happen to anyone, anywhere.

On the lighter side, we Filipinos are somewhat been redeemed from the pit of shame after the toweresque beauty queen, Ms. Philippines 2010 Venus Raj gave a "Major, major" honor to our country by  representing the Republic of the Philippines as a candidate for the Miss Universe 2010 and placed fourth runner-up to Ms. Mexico, Ximena Navarrete.

Venus Raj, born in Doha, Qatar and grew up and lived for more than 20 years in a nipa hut made of wood, bamboo and anahaw leaves with no electricity in the middle of a rice field in Bato, Camarines Sur, in Bicol Region, Philippines, was brought up by her mother, a former tenant farmer and a dressmaker.  She obtained her Bachelor's Degree in Communication Arts, Major  in Journalism at Bicol University in Albay with Latin honors (Cum Laude).  Back in the Philippines, she works as an Information Assistant for the Department of Environment and Natural Resources and works as a part- time fashion model.


Yayiemai's take:

 In just two days, the whole world has seen the two faces of the Philippines.  I called  it "The Captain and the Major",  (please don't ask me why).  A downfall and an emanation.  My country may have been drowning in the sea of problems, but im still proud to say that the Phililippines is still a beautiful country to go to. There are still more Filipinos who are friendly, hospitable and trust-worthy.  Let not one bad apple spoil the whole bunch. Let the love flow within our hearts.  Let's give the innocent people a chance to move on and let's all pray for the good and safety of everyone.

I Was Featured on charicemusic.ca!!!!

Yes, you read it right. I "was" featured on charicemusic.ca "last year" as the Featured Filipino Artist of the Week (June 19-26, 2009).  Many of my friends didn't know, some of them doesn't care,  but being me, i bashfully celebrate every single compliment  that i receive.

For those who didn't know yet,  Charice or Charmaine Clarice Relucio Pempengco is a Filipina singer who rose to popularity through YouTube. Dubbed by Oprah Winfrey as the Most Talented Girl in the World, she is the first Asian artist in history to land in the Top 10 of the Billboard 200 album chart.  Her carrier single entitled Pyramid is included in her self-titled album, Charice.

I remember when  i got a message coming from charicemusic.ca administrators telling me that they want to feature me on their website upon seeing my cover of Charice Pempengco's Note To God in Youtube (currently has 42,525 views, Yeeeeeeyyy!!! And a bunch of haters in the comment box, Booooo!!!  And greatful and protective viewers as well, Mwuah mwuah mwuah!!!!).  How can anyone say no to that?  Ofcourse i was surprised and replied to their message right away.  Besides, i was singing and making videos in Youtube as a hobby, just because i want to and i like doing it with no intentions of getting the public's attention (as what my video haters are claiming).  So it really was a huge "WOW" for me.

You must be wondering by now, why after more than a year,  i decided to write about it?  Actually, i was editing my Youtube channel info and came accross the charicemusic.ca link that i posted  last year, clicked on it and started reminiscing  how happy and thankful i was being on Charice's website.  Anywho... click here to go to charicemusic.ca .  Who knows?  You might get a chance to chat with Charice Pempengco LIVE like last year.

To end this blog, i just want to make a statement  to those who are not quite happy to see Charice Pempengco living her own dream.  Please stop the hating and for once please be happy that a humble and talented girl is paving the way for the future Filipino performing artists to make it big internationally. Let's keep the love flowing :)

After i got featured, i received a request from a Youtuber for me to sing Charice Pempengco's  Always You.

How would you feel when.....

How would you feel when from being a  lively party animal, almost complete and productive, you voluntarily throw yourself away to a place 10300 kilometers or 6400 miles away from your family? A place where everything closes @ 5PM and on Sundays? A place where you don't have anybody to talk to but your love one but is always being sent away on a tour of duty for a month, 2months or even a year? A place where you cannot find your closest friends and only a neighbor's old Basset Hound dares to greet you? When the best time to stay out and walk around  happens  for only quite a few weeks and the rest of the year is chilly, then cold then months of freezy. When you are in a situation  where you are temporarily unable to do the usual physical activities that you usually do to keep yourself busy?  How would you feel?

It's like being boxed and stuck for an uncertain time. You're starting to think of getting an Optical examination because you feel the need to wear some sort of corrective lenses for those dilated eyes from staying too much in front of the computer. You'll find yourself talking to yourself most of the time, of course you don't want to see a $1,000.00 phone bill by the end of the month. Then you'll see a picture of a food, then you'll crave for it, but it's just so impossible to have it. Not here.  Not in this place, you'll say to yourself.




Oh! You finally see a fellow Filipino, "but why is it when i smiled at her, she looked away? Yeah, I know her, she says hi and walks away. " You'll laugh at yourself and wonder, "does my face spell BORING?"





There are so much to do at home, redecorate the house, play video games, learn how to play a guitar, make a music video of your own, learn several languages.  How about a home job like an affiliate marketing?  Sounds like a good idea. By the end of the day, you'll retire to your bed with your laptop.  Yes,  your dear laptop keeps u company. "Oh what the...? What is wrong with the power going on and off?" " Oh crap! I forgot that my laptop battery needs a replacement." I won't mention that u forgot to recharge your iphone earlier too so it will die soon if u keep on Facebooking. You'll try to sleep but you're used to sleeping with the night lamps on.

How would you feel? I'd say "get it over with, silly. Tomorrow's another day"

Cologne, Germany : The Famous Cathedral and a long lost friend, Joe.

Last Sunday, August 1, 2010, we went to Cologne, 
Germany, one of the short trips that we had been
planning on inspite of the hectic schedules at work. It could've been a 3 hour smooth drive until we got caught up in  a slight traffic caused by a burning car on the right lane of the autobahn. We continued driving as the lady in the Navigon,  annoying as she is,  keeps on adding more and more kilometers to travel, one after the other, making me more excited to get to our destination.

Finally, we arrived at the Dom and parked at the underground parking area. Went up the stairs and there i saw one of the most beautiful structures i've ever seen in my entire life,The Cologne Cathedral. Dedicated to the saints Peter and Mary, Cologne Cathedral (Kölner Dom) is the seat of the Catholic Archbishop of Cologne. Cologne Cathedral is the greatest Gothic cathedral in Germany and has been Cologne's most famous landmark for centuries. Once the tallest building in the world, Cologne Cathedral still boasts the world's largest church façade.

 Inside, the most celebrated work of art in the cathedral is the Sarcophagus of the Magi, a large gilded sarcophagus dating to around 1200. The largest reliquary in the western world, the exterior is seven feet of gilded silver and jewels. Images of Old Testament prophets line the bottom and the 12 apostles decorate the top. Inside, the reliquary holds three golden-crowned skulls believed to belong to the Three Magi. Actually there's a lot to see inside  like The Gero Cross, The Presentation of Christ in the Elder Bible window and many more.  But due to a very limited time we had, and still trying to go to the next spot which closes in the next 4 hours, i just decided to light two candles and prayed. I took a single picture and bounce off.


As we walk along the streets, busy lookin at the people playing different musical intruments, gazing at the pretty purses outside the Louis Vuitton window, taking some more pictures, buying some souvenirs, we passed  by a weird looking statue with  faces all over his body.  I was staring at the statue when it suddenly moved and snatched my cap off my head. Though it scared me to encounter a moving statue for the first time, taking the opportunity to take a picture with this statue who called himself  Joe never slipped off my mind.  So my Bebee immediately took 2Euro from his pocket, put it in a jar in front of Joe and we posed like we've known each other for the longest.

We walked and reached the intriguing Padlocks of Love on the Hohenzollern Bridge. It's a scenery of thousands, maybe millions of padlocks with painted and engraved names on of the couples who visited  Cologne.  It's been a growing trend since late summer in 2008, when the first love locks started to appear.  Deutche Bahn was apparently keen to have them removed but bowed down after a public out- cry, so the custom is currently allowed to continue.  So when u decide to  visit Cologne with  your love one, remember to bring a padlock with your names engraved  or picture printed on it because i was looking for a store or a kiosk that sells padlocks but i didn't find one.  This is another reason for me to  come back.

 

 And for our last destination, The Chocolate Museum.  Enjoy an expedition through 3,000 years of chocolate history.  From cocoa cultivation to the finished chocolate, from its origin in America to its use in industrial products, you can experience all of these aspects of one of the world's most favorite food for only 7.50 euro entrance fee. And oh, we bought some chocolates too from the store located at the ground floor of the museum.

 T'was a great day although the original plan of staying at the Hyatt Hotel to explore Cologne even more didn't happen.  Honestly speaking, i haven't had enough of it.  Besides, what is a 3-hour drive if your just sitting in the passenger's seat just like me?  ...A thought came out of silence on our way home, " So, where are we goin next time,  Bebee? Paris? " Then silence.